Thursday, May 4, 2017

Taking Myself for Granted

I am grateful to discover who I am in new ways.

Everyone I know is grateful to discover who they are in new ways.

Everyone I don’t even know, all over the planet, is grateful to discover who they are in new ways.

My life keeps expanding.

There are so many things I have always wanted to do, and I am starting to do them.

When I discover new things, I add them into my life, too.

I love new things.

I love discovering new skills.

I love how the new things that I learn fit into and expand my life.

I am no longer trying to get by, hoping just to survive.

I no longer crouch with fear in my heart, waiting for the next violation, the next punishment.

I know that look of hopelessness and numbness, despair on my two-year-old face.

It was not enchanting; it had innocence and helplessness and the numbness of fear.

But now, after a lifetime of internalizing those feelings, I am letting them out.

I am acknowledging them.

They are part of my life, which I am still making up for.

I am an adult now, and I can deal with my fears.

I can let them out; I no longer have to be numb.

The pain is a kind of rejoicing.

So that is what I was feeling so long when I would not let myself feel.

That is what was hidden, blocking all my progress.

That is what I am healing step-by-step.

I can now ask for help.

I can now do my chores for myself, not for my parents.

I am now free to live beautifully and to make beautiful things in my own art, in my own expression.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

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